I began this journey on September 25, 2018. I spent one year just focused on my diet and losing 100 lbs. I eventually hit a low of about 125 lbs lost. I’ve spent the last 5 years sticking to my eating plan and getting back into running which has included two 50K trail runs with my son. Along the way I rediscovered my love of biking and am planning some big rides for this summer to change things up. Even with all of these accomplishments I kept things mostly to myself. Why the super-sudden change you might ask? The short answer is; it was time. But the real answer is more complex than that and goes back much farther than my recent journey. You don’t get to be 300 lbs in your mid forties and not have a lot of baggage, beyond the weight, that you’re carrying around.
Backstory: I have battled my weight my whole life and for most of that time it’s something I didn’t want to talk about. Quite the opposite, I did all I could to ‘hide’ my weight. I know that may sound ridiculous, but I can remember wearing a t-shirt with a dress shirt over it unbuttoned in high school every day because I thought it hid my weight better. I never, I mean never, took my shirt off when swimming. I avoided pictures and mirrors. In restaurants I sat at tables with chairs so I didn’t have to worry about squeezing into a booth. I stole an extender belt on a flight and kept it in my backpack so I didn’t have to ask for one when I got on planes.
As a kid I heard all of the taunts and ridicule, from the harmful like having the word ‘Porkchop’ written on my locker in high school, to people who ‘meant well’ but still found a way to provide a dig. I can remember most all of the moments of shame, like my mom matter of factly asking me why someone who was so successful in other areas of their life couldn’t get their weight under control. I even remember my grandmother singing the ‘Too Fat Polka,’ at me which went something like; ‘I don’t want him you can have him he’s too fat for me…” I’m assuming she had heard the Andrews sisters sing it back in 1947…thanks to the internet here you go.
There are a million other insults and little digs along the way that made it very hard to be open about my journey, even when I had lost a lot of weight. When putting yourself out there for others to ‘see’ is something you’ve spent your life avoiding, making the switch to being totally vulnerable is a big leap. After all, in today’s world it’s really easy to make someone feel small.
So, a few weeks ago when I sat down to type the first blog post in years I knew I had to jump in with both feet, shirt off, right up to my neck. It needed to be all or nothing.
I also think that the last thing anyone trying to lose a significant amount of weight needs is someone who is judging them, the world does that well enough. I couldn’t help anyone else until I was at peace with myself, all versions of me. It may sound strange, but it took me a long time to not hate, or feel sorry for, the guy I saw in those ‘before’ pictures. If you were to ask me why I’ve maintained my weight loss for this long it has a lot to do with sticking to the plan as I’ve said over and over, but it also has a lot to do with coming to realize that who I am now and who I was then are the same person. Yes, I’ve learned a lot and changed a lot but that guy wasn’t bad or lazy he simply wasn’t ready to manage his weight. I knew what to do, had tried lots of different strategies, but I wasn’t truly ready to change for good until I was, and that’s ok.
I keep my WeightWatchers charms on my desk. I used to carry them around on my key chain but they started to tarnish and break (I even lost a few along the way).
Looking at them every day started to remind me that it has been quite a while since I hit these goals and, if you’ve been tracking along, I really believe that success on this journey is all about being open to the next phase. It was time for my next phase, and that is helping others find their path or take that next step on their journey when it all seems so hard.
The bottom line is, I can’t tell you what to do, I can’t make you do anything you don’t want to and I don’t have some magical answer. What I do have is years of experience traveling this path and I hope that some of what I’ve learned can provide some guidance for you along your own journey.
If you’ve read this far please know I’m very happy to share this part of the journey with you.
Keep Moving Forward!