How to Make Transformation Non-Negotiable
As I’ve reflected on the key elements that have been key for me in creating sustainable habits one of the recurring themes is that I have refused to go back to the old mindsets and behaviors that led me to weighing over 300 lbs. I know I’ve mentioned it a few times, but it bears repeating, having some things that are not optional is really important. It takes how you’re feeling out of the equation and the more you stick to those ‘rules’ the more they become personal ‘laws.’ There are a couple of good metaphors for this from ‘burning the boats’ (details below) to ‘locking the door behind you’ to ‘closing a chapter’ or ‘cutting the cord.’
When Spanish conquistador Hernán Cortés arrived in the New World in 1519, he ordered his men to burn the boats they arrived on. His message was brutal and clear: retreat is not an option. They were going forward, or they were going to die trying. Before anyone calls me out. I’m no supporter of Cortés or his mission or the horrible impact their colonization had on the Aztec Empire–they probably should have gotten on the boats and just went home. It’s also a shame that burning the boats didn’t eliminate the small pox they brought with them.
What is important about this metaphor is the act of total commitment, with complete resolve and determination. The name of my podcast, Keep Moving Forward is a testament to my simple belief that no matter what life throws at you, you put one foot in front of the other and march on. This concept means so much to me I have it tattooed on the inside of my left arm where it reminds me every day of how to approach any challenge that comes my way.
I’m sure for most folks reading this you’ve probably tried to take on hard challenges in your own life. For those looking to lose weight, maybe you’ve tried before. You’ve dipped a toe into weight loss, self-discipline, or redefining your life. But if you’re being honest… you probably ‘left the boats in the harbor.’ Just in case.
The truth? To achieve real, and lasting change it has to be non-negotiable.
🚪 Why We Keep an Escape Hatch
The human brain loves safety and certainty. Even when the status quo sucks, it’s familiar. That’s why we keep our options open when trying to change. Maybe some of these behaviors will sound familiar:
- We “start Monday” because we want the weekend to have one last ‘food fling.’
- We save keep the junk food lurking around “just in case.”
- Even when we’ve made significant progress we do things like keeping all of our old clothes around ‘just in case.’ I did this for years until I ran out of room so I kept a few things and donated the rest.
These are mental escape hatches, not actual strategies. We’re negotiating with ourselves before we’ve even started.
Transformation doesn’t happen through negotiation. It happens through decision, commitment and repetition. I know this sounds like an aggressive approach and in some ways I suppose it is. But don’t confuse the kind of grit it takes to show up every day with anger or aggression. To be effective this kind of determination needs to be balanced with grace and acceptance.
🔥 What It Means to Burn The Boats
Burning the boats means more than downloading a food-tracking app or starting a new gym program. It means fully letting go of the identity, habits, and excuses that have kept you from making lasting change. It means deciding:
“This is who I am now—and there’s no turning back.”
🔄 The Difference Between Trying and Deciding
When people say “I’m trying to lose weight,” they’ve already built in the option to fail. Trying means you haven’t fully decided.
What if you changed your language to:
- “I am someone who works out.”
- “I don’t eat foods that make me feel like crap.”
- “I don’t miss workouts—because they’re non-negotiable.”
You can’t act inconsistent with your identity for long. So shift who you are—not just what you do.
🧠 5 Real-World Ways to Burn the Boats
Let’s get specific. Here’s how to put this into motion today:
1. Declare It Publicly
Tell someone what you’re doing. Post it. Share it on your podcast, your social, your group chat. Accountability raises the stakes and solidifies identity.
Pro tip: Post a screenshot of this article and tag @usedtoguy if you’re ready to burn your boats.
2. Change Your Environment
Your space should match your goals. Throw out the junk, reorganize your fridge, keep your gym clothes where you see them. Change your surroundings to reflect the life you’re building.
3. Build a System of Accountability
You can’t white-knuckle your way through life change. You need a system. Track your progress, check in weekly, and get someone to call you out when you drift.
Check out some of my ‘cheat sheets’ if you want some visual references you can print, download and keep in places you look at often (the fridge door is a good place).
5. Embrace Discomfort as Progress
Discomfort isn’t a sign something’s wrong—it’s the cost of admission to your new life. You’re not supposed to feel “ready.” As I noted last week those feels of being out of your comfort zone are signs that you’re leaving the comfort of your past. They’re the signs that you’re doing something right, not doing something wrong.
Final Thoughts
We romanticize transformation like it’s this big inspirational moment. But in real life, it looks a lot more like this:
You make a scary decision.
You get uncomfortable.
You show up anyway.
Then you do it again tomorrow.
Your old life? That one full of “used to” habits and half-efforts? It’ll always be there, waiting to take you back.
So burn the boats. Blow up the bridge. Go all in.
You’re not trying. You’re becoming.
And the only way out—is through.