As I hit 45 I began to question lots of things, what I do every day, what I want for my future.  I guess you could say it was/is a bit of a midlife crisis, but I wasn’t restless for the typical cliche crisis things, I was looking for something inside.  The problem was I didn’t know how to start going about scratching that internal itch.  I tried things I had done in the past and nothing seemed to stick. My inability to latch onto something only made the feeling worse–to the point where I felt helpless and like I was not in control of anything in my world.

I switched jobs hoping that would shake something loose, nope.  I tried going back to running like I did when I was younger but just found myself frustrated that my body wouldn’t let me do it like I used to.  As a final crazy step I threw myself into my kid’s activities and interests in the hopes that maybe I could live vicariously through them (Pro Tip: It’s a bad idea I see too many parents attempt).  At the end of it all I was still stuck in the same spot, struggling in quicksand, which was getting deeper with each passing day.

It wasn’t until I began my current project of self-discovery that I felt driven by a purpose larger than me, and maybe that’s the key to it all.  Doing something that is decidedly NOT for you alone.  Seems simple once you see it, but getting there can be an amazing challenge and if my dad had not passed away I am sure I may have never had the kick I needed to change everything.  Beginning this blog and working on my book are huge steps towards marching down a different path than the one I was on.  It may not be the easy (lazy) path but the work is a labor of love and simply getting to spend time every day working on it is it’s own reward.